Julia's Poetry

Official site for Julia Ferguson's Poetry and Musings

Coexist on earth as it is in…

September 28, 2011 by admin | No Comments | Filed in Peace, Spirituality (Not Religion)
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Here on earth, for as long as Ever
Everyone fights to prove “what’s right”
But I wonder if I should tell them
What I know is in my heart…
All our God’s like to party
And it’s been that way from the start!

Buddha’s playing on the Bongos
While God and Allah tell their jokes
And the one whose name can’t be spoken
Laughs so hard he almost chokes

Mother Earth and Sister Mary dance while reading poetry
Gandhi watches chin in hand pondering all possibility
Pagans plant aromatic gardens, blooming with all that delights the eye
While Wiccan’s stir the soup for dinner and Jesus makes the apple pie

Krishna, Shiva, Vishnu and Ganesha
And their 300 and 33 million friends
Hold a class in Paradise yoga making up all the latest bends

The monks are passing out the ale, the orange robes, the honey wine
And the rabbi’s stoke the blazing fires to light the charcoal for hookah time.
Mother Teresa smiles at everyone finally feeling no more pain
While all the saints are playing poker and even trying to “win” in vain.

Confucius passes the peace pipe while White Buffalo Lady sings a song
And Zoroaster gets a tattoo, wondering why he waited so long
In my heart I see it clearly, all the deities get along
In my heart I know it truly all religions do belong

Paradise, Sanctuary, Heaven, Hell,
Really, who gives a damn?
What I believe is way more fun
Then killing others in the name of them

All are healing, all are healthy
All promote the way of love
And when I die I hope to party with the greatest gods above!

Julia Ann Ferguson © 2007
Please do not alter my work and keep credit intact.  Thank you.

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Only (perhaps the hardest poem I will ever share publicly)

August 30, 2011 by admin | No Comments | Filed in Domestic Violence, Grief, Relationships/Marriage
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Only on the darkest day
Only in my deepest sigh
Only when you hear me scream
Only when I try to cry

Only in my lonely bed
Only deep within my heart
Only thru the choked back words
Only. …

Only at the break of day
Only when the fog sits low
Only in the forests belly
Only deep beneath the snow

Only lost amongst the clouds
Only carried on the wind
Only sifting thru the sand
Only…

Only never will you know
Just how much you owned my soul
Only never shall I tell
Just how much my life was hell

Only until the day you die
Will I hope you never know
How much you crushed my hopes and dreams
How much you stole, how much you stole.

Rebuttal to Only:

In my strength I let you go
Your evil I no longer wish to know
You hands on my neck
The choke hold gone
The fucking pain that lingers on.

The words of hate I endured,
The physical threats that occurred
The deception and lies that I told
To cover the bruises
New and old

I wish to lay to rest
This lingering…
Crap within my chest
To finally say good bye to you
That is this disgusting mental residue

So much of me was wrapped up in you
and I only wish you never knew…

If only…

August 11, 2011

Written because I have a regret of giving so much of my life to the excruciating lesson of sacrificing myself and my hopes and dreams to a man that beat me verbally and physically for over 15 years.  And because of my shame I did my best to hide that fact from all that knew us.

JAFA

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Finding Julia…

August 30, 2011 by admin | No Comments | Filed in Domestic Violence, Healing, Relationships/Marriage
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I miss who I was
I’m not who I am
I left her behind
Buried in sand

I gave up my dreams
I kissed them goodbye
For the wrong sort of love
From the mistakes gone by

She feels lost in the ether
Lost from my face
I struggle to reach her
To pull her into my space

I don’t know how to find her
If she can even come back
And my spirit and future
Has gone a bit black

I can go on without her
I can be something else
But my heart will be empty
Knowing I’m only part of my self

So I take off on this journey
A journey to me
It begins at the ocean
In the sand to set me free…

~ August 07, 2011 ~

I’ve been writing a lot lately about my regrets of how much of myself I lost and threw away during my years in a domestic violence marriage.  Alcohol played a large role in the problems.  But it was not at fault for the rage and hate I felt directed my way and never understood.

Julia Ann Ferguson

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Foolish Youth, Misplaced Love

August 30, 2011 by admin | No Comments | Filed in Chronic Pain or Illness, Domestic Violence, Healing, Relationships/Marriage
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My heart hurt and then I met you
I gave it away, wrong thing to do

I wish I had waited, at least a few
But my body spoke louder and gave in to you

Over the years, my pain grew and grew
What I thought was love, meant nothing to you

The bruises, the breaks, what misery I knew
Was all because I stupidly believed in you

And 30 years later, I still suffer the wrath
Of allowing my heart to join your path.

I no longer love you, that is long gone
But my body will never forget all that was wrong.

The moral I share is one for so many
Don’t stay with a person who beats you bloody.

Sunday August 7, 2011

Chronic physical pain from broken bones on my spine has brought up a lot of regrets to my lack of courage to leave a situation that was so abusive many years ago.  Verbal and physical abuse are NEVER worth the love you think is that of a soul mate.  Soul mates don’t beat you or threaten to kill you or your family if you leave them.  Don’t let the days that seem so wonderful confuse you with the truth.

JAFA

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Trial Run Mistakes last forever

August 30, 2011 by admin | No Comments | Filed in Domestic Violence, Grief, Healing, Relationships/Marriage
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Trial Run Mistakes last forever

I  don’t want to know
What you’re doing now
Just give my mind a break
From the nightmares in my dreams

The unforgotten screams
Still rip thru my memories
The fists against my skin
The fingers on my neck

Sometimes I wonder when
I will finally forget
How you almost broke me

Completely….

August 6, 2011

Domestic violence almost killed my soul….  Definition:  Trial Run – what I refer to as my first marriage.

Julia Ferguson Andriessen

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Moving On…

August 30, 2011 by admin | No Comments | Filed in Relationships/Marriage, Songs
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You don’t listen
Don’t choose to hear
Fed up with pleading
So the end is near

It’s time to be moving on
It’s time to be moving on

I’ve done my crying
Slept next to you alone
I’m tired of living
In this hell we call home

Wishful thinking
Of a lovely past
Wasted days on a
love that won’t last

Don’t know when
It went so wrong
Tired of trying
To sing a happy song

It’s time to be moving on
It’s time to be moving on
Moving on.

It’s hard to know that he’s ok
With always pushing me away
It’s hard to accept it will always be
Us together but only me.

I don’t know where I’m moving
But it’s time to be moving on
Moving on.

~ August 27, 2011 ~

A song that my sad heart sings lately.  It may end up just a song.
It may be a truth not yet true.
I hope it will be just a song.

Julia Ann Ferguson 

 

 

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Unwanted Goods

August 30, 2011 by admin | No Comments | Filed in Acceptance, Gloomy or Darker Poems, Grief, Relationships/Marriage
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Rejection from day one Son.
It’s the way it is, the way it’s done.

Don’t try to be more, try to break free
This place of unwanted is your destiny.

Not everyone is supposed to be born
To be loved.

Some are just here to get thru it
For someone.

Fucked as it is, truth to be told
This is your life until you grow old.

Rejection comes in all ways and ages
It’s gonna break your heart at each of life’s stages…

Born to a mother, given to another
Married to a few wanted by neither.

Acceptance is key, learn to live it.
Perhaps in the next life, you’ll get more than just give it.

Don’t hold your breath for change or pleasure
Just suck the fuck up and survive the bad weather.

~ August 27, 2011 ~

The message that rejection seems to follow some around for their whole lives no matter how hard they try to shake it.  Especially those that are adopted out for no good reason.  Definition:  Suck the Fuck up – when something hurts so much that you inhale the pain while saying the word fuck so it isn’t even heard out loud.

Julia Ann Ferguson

 

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Deep Sigh

August 30, 2011 by admin | No Comments | Filed in Relationships/Marriage
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To know it’s all darkness now
There will be no sunshine come the new day

The waves of warmth that once was
Is gone now, replaced with cold certainty

There is a loneliness in such knowledge
There is no comfort in being no where

Or perhaps knowing that you were here before

And returning to this horrid place, this same empty space
Where a heart beats alone…  voor altijd.

August 27, 2011

Awareness that my life has repeated itself in some very sad ways.

JAFA

Sunset at Seal

August 30, 2011 by admin | No Comments | Filed in Nature, Relationships/Marriage
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Tonight the moon slipped into the sea with a hardened sliver of me.
I sat by the sand and felt it go, beneath the waters far below.
It won’t resurface, I know it’s gone.
Life gently pushes reality along.

~ August 30, 2011 ~

Marriage is hard.
I wrote this because sometimes we can lose parts of our self in it.

Julia Ann Ferguson

 

 

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End of July 2011

August 4, 2011 by admin | No Comments | Filed in Nature
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Golden Rays

Glittering Frond

Floating gently across the pond.

Summer sets – another day

Whispering stars begin to play.

Gently sets the fiery Sun

Giving the Moon the Midnight run.

~ July 31, 2011 ~

Written while looking out the window at the palms around my Mum’s pool on the last day of July.

Julia Ann Ferguson 

 

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