Tears of Grief and Hopes for Healing

I was with him when he died
I cried

I was there barely breathing
He was breathing barely
But I sat there squarely
Frozen in my chair

It was not my duty
Nor demand
But I stayed and held his hand
And I cried

Not aloud
Not in vain
But I cried all the same
A slow severe internal pain

For me
When he died

His lips were chapped
His mouth was dry
Somehow off limits
For a kiss good-bye

And as his coldness seeped into me
Numbed my arms
And froze my soul
For one split second
I felt I failed him
But still I refused to let go

I prayed for peace
I prayed for freedom
I prayed for God to let me know
Had I shown I loved and honored him
As life left him did he know?

I was there not by duty
I was there out of love
A grieving daughter
With her father
Seeking guidance from above

And may God hear me
Shed His mercy
Help me heal this pain inside
As I was with him when Cancer took him
By his side when he died

I cried

I still do

~ August 19, 1999 ~

Written because it just was inside me.

Julia Ann Ferguson